When Duty Calls: Maintaining Connection During Temporary Relocation

In the world of co-parenting, life doesn’t always stand still. Whether it’s a military deployment to a conflict zone, a mandatory career training session, or a stay at a treatment center for health and wellness, parents often find themselves facing a difficult reality: having to leave their children in the primary care of the other parent for an extended period.

While the parent is working toward a better future for the family, the immediate reality for the child is one of absence. Under Section 37 of the BC Family Law Act, the "best interests of the child" is the only consideration. A huge part of that interest is emotional stability and the mitigation of "grief and despair" that children feel when separated from a primary attachment figure.

The Psychology of the Gap
To a child, a parent’s absence isn’t just a scheduling change; it’s an emotional disruption. Without proper support, this can lead to Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), which research shows can have long-term impacts on mental and physical health.

The goal of Parenting Coordination is to bridge this gap, ensuring the child feels reassured rather than abandoned. We want to transform a traumatic separation into a manageable transition. There are many things both parents can do to spare their children from unnecessary distress from long separations.

 Strategies for Stability: The PC's Toolkit
To protect your child’s long-term mental health, we recommend implementing a "Connection Plan." Here is how you can maintain your presence, even from a distance:

1. The Power of "Concrete" Reminders

Children, especially younger ones, are tactile. They need physical items to ground them such as:

• Security Objects: Encourage the child to keep a "daddy/mommy blanket" or a specific stuffed animal that stays with them.
• The "Hug Shirt": A t-shirt that smells like the departing parent can provide immense sensory comfort during bedtime.
• Voice-Recorded Books: If you are away, your child can still hear your voice reading their favorite bedtime story via recordable books.

2. Visual Predictability

Anxiety often stems from not knowing when the separation will end.

• Use a physical wall calendar where the child can cross off days. This turns an abstract "long time" into a visible journey toward a reunion.
• Place photos of both parents in the child’s room at both homes to signal that the "missing" parent is still a constant part of their world.

3. Structured Communication

• Inconsistency breeds anxiety. Reliability builds security. Whether it’s a 7:00 PM FaceTime or a Saturday morning video call, keep it sacred.
• For older children, a basic "brick" phone, iPad or a monitored messaging device allows them to send a quick "I love you" text without needing to go through the other parent, fostering a sense of direct access.

4. Professional Support

A neutral therapist can provide a safe space for a child to express their grief and despair. Sometimes these are feelings they struggle to name or might be afraid to show their parents for fear of hurting them.

 A PC can help parents navigate the logistics of these transitions, ensuring that the "home-base" parent is supported and the "away" parent remains informed.
 
A Message of Reassurance
Separation and divorce are painful for adults, but for children, the trauma is often rooted in the fear of losing a connection. By being proactive and using these tools, you are telling your child: "I am not leaving you; I am simply in a different place right now, and you are still the center of my world."

By prioritizing stability today, you are protecting their mental health for a lifetime.