When Cooperation Stops: How the Parenting Coordination Process Manages High Conflict

Oct 14, 2025·By Cori McGuire

Parenting Coordination: Structure When Conflict Has Taken Over

Parenting coordination (PC) is a specialized post‑order process designed for families experiencing ongoing, high‑level conflict—often after years of strained communication, repeated litigation, and significant emotional exhaustion.

For many parents, the PC process is structured and facilitative. It provides a contained forum for implementing existing parenting arrangements, clarifying expectations under court orders or agreements, and resolving day‑to‑day parenting issues through defined process rather than open‑ended negotiation.

In a smaller number of cases, however, conflict has become entrenched. Communication repeatedly breaks down, orders are not followed, and the parenting system itself becomes unstable. In those situations, the role of the Parenting Coordinator necessarily shifts. The priority becomes restoring predictability and stability for the child through clear structure, consistent process, and timely implementation decisions within the authority granted.

This page explains how that structure works—and why it is essential to fairness.

A Structured Process, Not an Emotional Contest

Parenting coordination is not a forum for deciding who is right, who is more reasonable, or whose feelings are more justified. It is a forward‑looking, child‑centred process governed by court orders or written agreements.

Emotions are real and understandable in high-conflict families. They are acknowledged. But they do not drive decisions.

Fairness in parenting coordination comes from:

• applying the same rules to both parents

• relying on written agreements and orders rather than persuasion

• making decisions based on objective criteria

• ensuring that one parent’s intensity or distress does not disadvantage the other

This is why, when the process moves into a Determination, the focus becomes calm, neutral, and procedural. That shift is with written notice, intentional—and protective.

When Responsibility Is Avoided and Chaos Increases

High-conflict dynamics often include patterns such as repeated blame, revisiting past grievances, or creating urgency and confusion around routine parenting matters. While these behaviours may arise from stress, they increase instability for children and significantly increase costs for families.

Our approach: action over debate.

We do not revisit history other than related to implementation of orders or agreements, and we do not attempt to resolve emotional disputes within a Determination. Instead, the Parenting Coordinator identifies:

• what decision is required

• what the governing order or agreement says

• what outcome best restores stability for the child

If an obligation is missed—such as an exchange, a deadline, or required information—the focus is on the next workable step, not fault-finding (although it is recorded for an accurate process record). Parents may attempt resolution through OFW where appropriate. If that does not resolve the issue, the PC will move the matter forward with a recommendation or Determination provided the PC has jurisdiction.

Cost clarity:

The most effective way to reduce parenting coordination costs is consistent compliance with timelines, communication rules, and agreements. Prolonged back‑and‑forth does not create fairness; it increases expense.

Participation Is Required for the Process to Work

Parenting coordination depends on participation. When parents cancel meetings, refuse to engage in required process steps, or overwhelm the process with excessive or unfocused communication, progress stalls and costs increase.

Our approach is to apply the structure neutrally.

From the outset, the Parenting Coordinator manages the process set out in the appointing order and participation agreement in an even‑handed manner. Required steps apply to both parents equally. Where a parent refuses or fails to complete a necessary step to allow implementation to proceed, the Parenting Coordinator may, where authorized, move the matter forward by recommendation or Determination so the process does not stall.

This is not punitive. It ensures that one parent cannot control outcomes through non‑participation or delay.

Communication Agreements

Clear communication parameters exist to ensure that parenting decisions can be made efficiently and in accordance with existing orders or agreements. Communications must be limited to information necessary to resolve the issue before the Parenting Coordinator and must comply with the agreed format, length, and timing requirements.

Messages that are repetitive, excessive in volume, or not directed to an implementable parenting issue may be reviewed for context but may result in additional billed time or a direction to proceed to Determination. This is not punitive; it prevents one parent from gaining advantage through volume, delay, or escalation.

Following recent caselaw, determinations will not be made on subjective behavioral requirements that may still exist in older communication agreements.

Deadlines

When a parent does not respond within the stated timeframe (typically 24 hours unless otherwise specified), the process does not pause. The Parenting Coordinator may proceed (with notice and instructions) to Determination as an implementation requirement, so that parenting decisions are not indefinitely delayed. Simply put, if a parent does not complete a required step necessary to implement an existing order or agreement, the Parenting Coordinator may proceed to Determination, with notice, so that the parenting arrangement is not stalled by non‑participation.

This protects the child from uncertainty and prevents one parent from controlling outcomes through non‑participation.

When the Process Itself Is Challenged

In high-conflict cases, it is not uncommon for frustration to shift toward the neutral professional. Allegations of bias or unfairness often arise when decisions are no longer negotiable.

Our approach: documentation and redirection.

The Parenting Coordinator does not argue or defend personally. Instead, responses return to:

• the written court order or agreement

• documented communication

• the applicable best‑interest standard

Every recommendation and Determination is grounded in the child’s best interests, not parental preference or perception of fairness. This objective standard functions as a safeguard for everyone involved.

A detailed written record is maintained throughout the process. When misunderstandings occur, the record—not memory or interpretation—provides clarity.

Why Consistency Matters

For children living in high-conflict families, unpredictability is deeply distressing. One of the most effective ways to reduce conflict is to make it ineffective.

The Parenting Coordinator’s role is to be:

• predictable

• consistent

• bound by structure

• emotionally neutral when decisions are made

This is not coldness. It is fairness.

By applying the same rules, timelines, and standards to both parents—every time—the process removes incentives for escalation, argument, or delay. Over time, this consistency often reduces conflict precisely because it does not respond to it.

The goal is not to punish behaviour, but to restore stability so children can rely on their parenting system again.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer since 1998 in British Columbia. For further reading about our process visit The Method page. For further reading if a co-parent is obstructing the PC process, read: What to Do When Your Co-parent Obstructs the PC Process and Understanding Enforcement.