The Framework of Trust: Why My Professional Boundaries Protect Your Family

Why Boundaries are a Parent’s Best Friend

When parents enter Parenting Coordination (PC), they are often exhausted. You are likely looking for a referee, a tie-breaker, and—most of all—someone who can finally bring some stability to the chaos.

As your Parenting Coordinator, my job is to help you resolve disputes without the soul-crushing delays and costs of a courtroom. To do that effectively, I have to work within a very specific set of professional "guardrails." To a parent in the heat of a dispute, these rules can sometimes feel rigid.

However, these boundaries are actually my most important tool for helping your family. Here is why my professional standards are designed to protect you.

 1. The Symmetry of Time: Why I Track Every Minute
In many high-conflict dynamics, the roles become asymmetrical. We often see one parent acting as the "Poker" (using subtle manipulation or high-conflict tactics) and the other as the "Poked" (reacting emotionally or becoming triggered).

As your PC, I recognize these roles. However, I have to manage a very fine line regarding how I spend my time:

The Bias Trap: If I spend three hours coaching the "Poked" parent on how to regulate their emotions, but only fifteen minutes with the "Poker," a lawyer or a judge may later view that lopsided time-tracking as evidence of bias. In the eyes of the law, unequal time is reframed as "alignment."

The Standard: To protect my neutrality (and your decisions), I must maintain Structural Neutrality. If one parent requires significant skill-building to stop being triggered, and the other needs to recognize how their manipulation harms the children, I cannot be the one to provide that deep-dive coaching.

2. The Requirement for Outside Counselling
Because I must remain a neutral arbitrator, I cannot become your therapist. When the family dynamic shifts, I will point out each parent's role in that conflict, but you must be prepared to do the work with outside experts.

Pursuant to the authority in Odgers v. Odgers, 2014 BCSC 717 (CanLII), I may mandate specialized counselling (such as New Ways for Families).

The "Poked" parent may need to build "internal armor" so that triggers no longer derail their parenting.

The "Poker" parent may need to recognize how their behavior causes long-term, measurable harm to the children.

3. The "No-Credit" Rule (Financial Integrity)
I require a standard retainer to be maintained at all times. If the account hits zero, I "drop the pen" until it is topped up.

The Reality: This isn’t just business; it is about protecting the integrity and neutrality of the process. If a parent owes me money, I technically become their creditor, which can create a perceived conflict of interest. To prevent this, the financial side must be settled upfront.

However, I will not allow a parent to obstruct the process by withholding their portion of the retainer. Under the BC Parenting Coordination Roster Standard Agreement, I have the discretion to allow one parent to fund the process temporarily so that a necessary Determination can be reached. This ensures that the child’s stability and the "Best Interests" test under Section 37 are not held hostage by a breach of the agreement.

Please be aware that the final Determination will formally allocate these fees according to the merits of the case. While this allows the work to move forward, a persistent failure to fund the process is a breach of the Parenting Coordination Agreement. If this breach is not corrected promptly, the parties may be required to return to court for enforcement and judicial intervention.

4. "Adjective-Free" and "Review-Ready" Decisions
When I write a formal Determination, I focus strictly on objective facts: dates, times, and specific actions. I must strip out subjective words like "toxic" or "stubborn" as PC work does not blame or criticize.

The Reality: My goal is to create "Judge-Proof" decisions. If my decision is ever reviewed by a court, it must stand as a reasonable, evidence-based document anchored in Section 37 of the Family Law Act (Best Interests of the Child). This provides your family with a stable legal record that actually resolves the issue rather than fueling the fire.

The Bottom Line
A Parenting Coordinator’s boundaries are not a barrier to your family; they are the framework that allows your family to function. By being rigid about the process, I am able to be fair to the people.

I am not here to be a "rescuer"—I am here to be a Process Guardian. When the process is protected, the children have a chance to thrive.