Navigating Indigenous Heritage in Parenting Coordination
Some time ago, I was asked a question about my practice philosophy by two parents considering hiring me as their family's parenting coordinator. The mother was Indigenous and the father was not. The mother felt strongly that the children should grow up immersed in her people’s teachings, culture, and spirituality. The father disagreed, claiming the mother wanted nothing to do with her culture since they met. Both parents asked me, a non-Indigenous PC, to explain how I would approach their family’s situation.
My response began with one central principle: when a child is Indigenous, that is a fact and not a parental preference. It is a core part of who the child is. Parenting coordination must begin from reality. Section 41(e) makes it a parental responsibility to make "decisions respecting the child's cultural, linguistic, religious and spiritual upbringing and heritage, including, if the child is an Indigenous child, the child's Indigenous identity." Making decisions respecting the child's culture, spirituality and Indigenous identity is the law in BC, and is not optional.
Under Section 37 of the Family Law Act, the only consideration is the best interests of the child. When we define best interests for an Indigenous child, cultural identity is not secondary. It is foundational to emotional security, belonging, and psychological wellbeing.
Federal legislation such as An Act respecting First Nations, Inuit and Métis Children, Youth and Families and BC's Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples Act affirm:
• A child’s right to know, learn, and practice their culture
• The importance of maintaining connection to Indigenous community
• Recognition that cultural continuity strengthens children and families
These laws reflect what Indigenous communities have always known, that children thrive on cultural connection.
Developmental research consistently shows that Indigenous youth who have strong connections to their culture, language, Elders, and community demonstrate:
• Higher self esteem
• Stronger identity development
• Greater resilience in the face of discrimination
• Improved mental wellness outcomes
• A stronger sense of purpose and belonging
A child’s identity is not divided between parents. It is integrated. When a child is supported in all aspects of who they are, they develop internal coherence and confidence. True stability is not only about routine and schedule. It is about knowing where you come from and feeling proud of it.
Section 37 also requires that we consider the child’s views (if appropriate). When Indigenous children express pride in drumming, joy in ceremony, or connection to Elders, those experiences are not extracurricular activities. They are expressions of identity. Supporting those connections reinforces self confidence and emotional security.
In BC, decisions regarding schooling, extracurriculars, or travel are viewed through the lens of maintaining the child's ties to their Nation. Courts have ruled that severing or neglecting an Indigenous child’s connection to their culture is a recognized form of harm.
My approach is not about choosing one parent’s position over the other. It is about centering the child’s full identity.
- Parenting plans must respect and uphold the child’s Indigenous identity as a legal and human right.
- Both parents are encouraged to view cultural participation not as division, but as enrichment that benefits the child’s overall development.
- We build practical, respectful plans that allow the child to walk confidently in both worlds, strengthened by cultural grounding.
Supporting a child’s Indigenous heritage does not diminish the other parent. It strengthens the child.
The goal is not to manage conflict between adults. It is to create conditions in which the child grows up secure, proud, and connected. Cultural ties are not a risk factor to manage. They are a strength to nurture.
I never heard back from those parents. They chose not to move forward with me as their PC. In this work, clarity can sometimes create discomfort. When one parent views a child’s heritage as a "negotiable interest" or a "lifestyle preference" rather than a foundational fact, a practitioner who centers the law—and the child—can feel like an obstacle.
However, as a professional in BC, my starting point must remain the reality of the Family Law Act. If we treat a child’s Indigenous identity as a point of compromise, we fail that child before the process even begins.
I have learned that being the right fit for a family means being the right advocate for the child’s integrated identity. My role is not to manage the conflict between adults by diluting the truth of the child. It is to ensure that, regardless of the parents' relationship, the child’s right to their culture, their Nation, and their heritage remains non-negotiable.
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My approach to parenting coordination is grounded in the law, but it has also been deeply shaped by the wisdom of my lifelong friend, Dr. Rosalin Miles. In collaborating on this piece, Rosalin helped me articulate why cultural grounding is not a 'parenting style,' but a fundamental right. I am grateful for her edits and her enduring guidance on what it means to truly center an Indigenous child’s identity.