How and When I Speak With Children as a Parenting Coordinator

May 07, 2026·By Cori McGuire

Last year I volunteered to speak to the Child and Youth Section of the BC Canadian Bar Association to explain whether—and when—I will speak directly with children as a Parenting Coordinator.

I have refined my practice since then and this article explains how I approach child involvement, the considerations that guide my decisions, and what happens with any information shared, so that parents understand the process and limits of my role.

A Starting Point: What My Role Is (and Is Not)

As a Parenting Coordinator, my role is to help parents implement existing parenting orders or agreements and to structure consultation and decision‑making where parents are struggling to do so on their own.

I am not:

a judge,
a child’s lawyer,
a counsellor or therapist,
or a decision‑maker about parenting arrangements.

I do not decide where a child lives, how much parenting time a parent has, or what parenting responsibilities should be assigned. Those decisions are made by parents through agreement or by the court.

Any involvement I have with a child is therefore limited, careful, and purpose‑specific.

Do I Always Interview Children?

No. In fact, most parenting coordination work does not involve direct interviews with children.

In many families—particularly high‑conflict families—speaking directly with a child about parental disputes can unintentionally place the child in a difficult or harmful position. Children often feel pressure to please one parent, fear upsetting the other, or worry that what they say will be used against someone they love.

For that reason, I do not routinely interview children, and I do not ask children to choose between parents or express preferences about core parenting arrangements unless instructed to do so by the Court.

What I Consider Before Speaking With a Child

Before deciding whether to speak with a child, I consider several factors, including:

the authority granted in the parenting coordination order or agreement
the child’s age and developmental stage
the level of conflict between the parents
whether speaking with the child would assist with implementation, or instead risk increasing stress or loyalty conflict
whether the issue can be addressed effectively through parental process, indirect information, or professional reports such as a Hear the Child report

If speaking with a child would not meaningfully assist with implementing existing arrangements—or would risk placing the child in the middle—I will not do so.

How Children’s Experiences Are Considered Without Interviews

Even when I do not speak directly with a child, a child’s lived experience is often reflected in other, less intrusive ways, such as:

school attendance, behaviour, or academic functioning
medical or therapeutic information shared with appropriate consent
patterns in transitions, exchanges, or daily routines
how well existing parenting arrangements are being carried out

This information helps me understand how implementation is working in practice, without asking a child to carry responsibility for adult decision‑making.

When I May Speak With a Child

If the parenting coordination order or agreement permits, and if it serves a clear and limited purpose, I may speak with a child about implementation details, not outcomes.

This usually occurs after a parenting arrangement is already in place and involves practical matters such as:

identifying which exchange times are least stressful
understanding routines that help a child transition more smoothly
clarifying where items should be kept to avoid repeated conflict
learning what helps the child feel prepared and settled within an existing schedule

In these situations, the child is not being asked to decide anything. The purpose is to improve how an existing arrangement works, not to change it.

How I Explain My Role to a Child

If I speak with a child, I explain—in age‑appropriate language—that:

I am not a judge and do not decide parenting arrangements
I am not a lawyer for either parent or for the child
I am not a counsellor
my role is limited to helping parents carry out existing plans more smoothly

I also explain what will and will not be shared, so that the child is not surprised or burdened by the process. Transparency is essential.

How Information From a Child Is Used

Information shared by a child is used only for implementation purposes, such as:

adjusting logistics within existing authority
informing facilitation between parents
helping parents understand how their actions affect transitions or routines

It is not used to:

decide parenting time or parental responsibilities
support one parent’s position over the other
create a record for court
evaluate parenting capacity

If a matter requires changes to parenting arrangements or judicial decision‑making, it must return to court.

Why Restraint Matters

In parenting coordination, doing less can sometimes protect children more.

My approach is grounded in the belief that children should not be asked to manage adult conflict or feel responsible for outcomes they do not control. The most effective way to support children is often by structuring adult behaviour and communication, rather than drawing children directly into the process.

Example: Graduated Parenting Time Ordered by the Court

A common situation in which limited direct input from a child may be appropriate arises where the court has already determined the parenting arrangement and has delegated implementation authority to the Parenting Coordinator.

For example, a court order may provide that a child is to progress from 25% parenting time to an equal 50‑50 parenting schedule over a defined period, such as six months, with the Parenting Coordinator authorized to manage the pacing and implementation of that transition.

In this scenario, the outcome has already been decided by the court. The Parenting Coordinator is not determining whether the child should spend more time with one parent, nor revisiting the allocation of parenting time. The PC’s role is limited to implementing the ordered trajectory in a manner that is workable and sustainable for the child.

Where authorized, limited direct contact with the child may assist the PC in assessing implementation strain, such as:

• how the child is tolerating longer parenting periods,

• whether transitions are becoming more difficult or easier over time,

• whether particular routines or exchange times are causing stress, or

• whether minor timing adjustments within the ordered framework would support smoother implementation.

In such circumstances, the child is not asked to express preferences about where they wish to live or how parenting time should ultimately be divided. The child is advised, in age‑appropriate terms, that the schedule has already been decided and that the purpose of the discussion is to help the plan work better, not to change it.

Information obtained through this limited input may be used to:

• adjust the pace of steps within the authorized transition period,

• refine transition logistics,

• inform facilitation with the parents, or

• report back to the court, if required, on the progress of implementation.

It is not used to recommend a different parenting arrangement or to substitute the Parenting Coordinator’s judgment for that of the court. If implementation difficulties reveal the need for a substantive change beyond the PC’s authority, the matter must return to court.

This type of structured, purpose‑specific contact illustrates how a Parenting Coordinator may remain attentive to a child’s lived experience while acting strictly within delegated implementation authority.

A Final Word

Every family is different. Decisions about whether to speak with a child are made case by case, within the limits of the parenting coordination role and the authority granted. If I do speak to young people, it could be in person, using Zoom, MS Teams at first, and subsequent discussions by telephone.

If you have questions about how this works in your situation, those questions can be addressed in a structured way within the parenting coordination process.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer since 1998 in British Columbia. For further reading on PC processes, try reading The Framework of Trust: Why My Professional Boundaries Protect Your Family.