Extracurricular Activities for your Child

Oct 04, 2025·By Cori McGuire

Extracurricular Activities Under Shared Parental Responsibilities

Implementing Court Orders and Parenting Coordination Agreements

Extracurricular activities such as sports, dance, and music lessons are often meaningful and positive experiences for children. They support development, confidence, and social connection.

When parents share parental responsibilities under a court order or family law agreement, decisions about extracurricular activities must be handled carefully, transparently, and in a manner consistent with the specific parenting framework that applies to them.

Where parenting coordination is in place, the Parenting Coordinator’s role, authority, and scope depend entirely on the jurisdiction delegated by the parents or the court through the appointing order, family law agreement, and applicable participation agreement. As a British Columbia Roster Parenting Coordinator, this work is carried out using the most current standard participation agreement, and only within the authority expressly or implicitly conferred.

This article explains how extracurricular activities are addressed where parenting coordination jurisdiction includes assisting with communication and the implementation of shared parental responsibilities, and how section 40(2) of British Columbia’s Family Law Act (FLA) informs best practice in that context.

Section 40(2) and Shared Decision‑Making

Section 40(2) of the FLA provides that, unless an agreement or order says otherwise, parents who share parental responsibilities are expected to consult with each other about decisions affecting their child.

The section states, in part, that parents are to exercise their responsibilities “in consultation with each other.”

Section 40(2) does not resolve every disagreement, nor does it eliminate conflict. It does, however, establish a legislative expectation of consultation, communication, and information‑sharing where responsibilities are shared.

Where a Parenting Coordinator has jurisdiction to assist with implementation, section 40(2) is applied as an implementation standard, particularly in high‑conflict cases where unilateral decision‑making or information control has undermined shared parental responsibilities.

Parenting Coordination and Disclosure Obligations

Where parenting coordination jurisdiction includes implementing shared parental responsibilities, meaningful disclosure is required so that consultation can occur as contemplated by the order or agreement.

This includes disclosure about:

• Proposed extracurricular activities

• Waiting lists

• Schedules, locations, and time commitments

• Costs

• How the activity would affect parenting time

Non‑disclosure cannot be used as a form of gatekeeping or indirect decision‑making.

Within the scope of delegated authority, parenting coordination does not permit one parent to:

• Act first and disclose later

• Preserve an advantage by withholding information

• Control access to activities by managing information flow

Without disclosure, consultation cannot occur. Without consultation, shared parental responsibilities cannot be implemented as ordered.

Waiting Lists Do Not Decide the Issue

Placing a child on a waiting list does not determine whether the child will participate in an activity.

A waiting list simply preserves availability. Where parents share parental responsibilities:

• A waiting list does not authorize unilateral enrollment

• It does not resolve disagreement

• It does not bypass the parenting coordination process where one applies

Parents are expected to disclose the opportunity as soon as it is known and to raise the issue for discussion before further steps are taken.

How to Make an Activity Proposal Appropriately

Where a process specifies a communication platform, proposals regarding extracurricular activities should be made in writing using that platform. As a matter of implementation‑focused coaching, proposals should be limited to information necessary to allow consultation to occur, including the nature of the activity, schedule, time commitment, costs, and impact on parenting time. The purpose of the proposal is to support consultation and implementation, not persuasion, argument, or outcome control.

The proposal should contain:

• The name and nature of the activity

• Schedule and location

• Time commitment

• Costs and proposed payment arrangement

• Why the activity may be appropriate given the child’s age, needs, and existing schedule

What to Avoid

(General parenting coordination coaching only, not the exercise of binding authority)

• Avoid framing the proposal as “the child wants this”

• Avoid presenting the child as having already committed

• Avoid repeatedly discussing the proposal with the child

Children are usually open to many activities. Over‑discussion can unintentionally create stress, pressure, or loyalty conflicts.

Children’s preferences are important, but they should be gathered neutrally by both parents, using open‑ended questions, without coaching or pre‑loading expectations.

Gatekeeping and Loyalty Conflicts

Children are particularly sensitive to gatekeeping — situations where extracurricular activities are used to:

• Exclude the other parent

• Interfere with parenting time

• Create loyalty conflicts

• Position one parent as supportive and the other as obstructive

Using extracurricular activities in this way is generally inconsistent with the purpose and operation of shared parental responsibilities, particularly where those responsibilities require consultation, information‑sharing, and protection of the child from loyalty conflicts. Unless a court order or agreement expressly authorizes unilateral decision‑making or exclusion, shared parental responsibilities do not permit one parent to control or restrict the other parent’s involvement through activities.

Neutrality in Activities Matters

Where parents share parental responsibilities, and absent compelling child‑specific circumstances, extracurricular arrangements that lack neutrality are often difficult to implement without conflict.

Examples include:

• Activities held exclusively at one parent’s home

• Instruction provided by a close friend of one parent

• Scheduling that predictably undermines the other parent’s parenting time

For example, lessons held at one parent’s home with an instructor personally connected to that parent — particularly where the other parent is excluded — may raise implementation concerns in shared‑responsibility cases.

Activities should be:

• Logistically reasonable

• Accessible to both parents

• Balanced with the child’s overall schedule

There is also a practical limit to how many extracurricular activities a child can reasonably manage. Depending on the child’s circumstances, overscheduling or using activities to control parenting time may be inconsistent with shared parental responsibilities when parents disagree.

Supporting the Child’s Experience

Extracurricular activities belong to the child. When parents are able to support participation without conflict, children benefit from:

• Emotional safety

• Stability

• A sense that both parents support their interests

Children do best when parents behave respectfully toward each other, toward instructors, and toward organizers — even when disagreements exist elsewhere.

Shared Participation Guidelines

(General coaching consistent with shared parental responsibilities, not binding conduct regulation)

When both parents attend activities:

• Maintain respectful physical and emotional distance as needed

• Avoid arguments, negative remarks, or hostile behaviour

• Avoid involving third parties in parental conflict

During the other parent’s parenting time, it is often appropriate for that parent to take the lead unless otherwise agreed.

Brief private time for greetings and goodbyes can be accommodated where possible, as this supports the child’s sense of connection and security.

Awards or certificates typically go home with the parent who has parenting time. Requests for copies can be made calmly and in writing afterward.

In Summary

Where parents share parental responsibilities and parenting coordination jurisdiction is in place:

• Consultation is an expected practice under section 40(2)

• Disclosure is required to implement shared decision‑making

• Waiting lists do not decide issues

• Extracurricular activities should not be used as gatekeeping tools

Parenting coordination exists to assist with the implementation of court orders and agreements as written, within delegated jurisdiction, and with a consistent focus on supporting children’s stability and reducing their exposure to adult conflict.

When parents prioritize transparency, neutrality, and respectful communication, extracurricular activities can remain what they are meant to be — a positive and stabilizing part of a child’s life.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer since 1998 in British Columbia. Read more about Why Extracurricular Activities are Essential for Child Development and Secret Activities are Co-parenting Poison. For further reading visit our Resource Library.