Extracurricular Activities for your Child

Extracurricular Activities Under Shared Parental Responsibilities

Implementing Court Orders and Parenting Coordination Agreements

Extracurricular activities such as sports, dance, and music lessons can be meaningful and positive experiences for children. They support development, confidence, and social connection.

When parents share parental responsibilities under a court order or agreement, decisions about extracurricular activities must be handled carefully, transparently, and consistently with the parenting framework that applies to them.

This article explains how extracurricular activities are addressed when parenting coordination is in place, and how section 40(2) of British Columbia's Family Law Act (FLA) informs best practice.

Section 40(2) and Shared Decision‑Making

Section 40(2) of the FLA provides that, unless an agreement or order says otherwise, parents who share parental responsibilities are expected to consult with each other about decisions affecting their child.

The section states, in part, that parents are to exercise their responsibilities “in consultation with each other.”

Section 40(2) does not resolve every disagreement, nor does it eliminate conflict. It does, however, establish a legislative expectation of consultation, communication, and information‑sharing where responsibilities are shared.

In parenting coordination, section 40(2) is applied as a best‑practice standard when implementing court orders and agreements — particularly in high‑conflict cases where unilateral decision‑making has been a recurring problem.

Parenting Coordination Requires Disclosure

When parenting coordination is in place, disclosure is required so that shared parental responsibilities can be meaningfully implemented.

This includes disclosure about:

• Proposed extracurricular activities

• Waiting lists

• Schedules, locations, and time commitments

• Costs

• How the activity would affect parenting time

Non‑disclosure cannot be used as a form of restrictive gatekeeping.

Parenting coordination does not permit one parent to:

• Act first and disclose later

• Preserve an advantage by withholding information

• Control access to activities by managing information flow

Without disclosure, consultation is impossible. Without consultation, shared parental responsibilities cannot function as ordered.

Waiting Lists Do Not Decide the Issue

Placing a child on a waiting list does not determine whether the child will participate in the activity.

A waiting list simply preserves availability. For parents who share parental responsibilities:

• The existence of a waiting list does not authorize unilateral enrollment

• It does not resolve disagreement

• It does not override the parenting coordination process

Parents are expected to disclose the opportunity as soon as it is known and to raise the issue for discussion before further steps are taken.

How to Make an Activity Proposal Appropriately

All proposals regarding extracurricular activities should be made in writing, using the agreed communication platform (for example, OurFamilyWizard).

In parenting coordination, proposals are expected to be BIFF (Bill Eddy):

• Brief

• Informative

• Friendly

• Firm

A proper proposal focuses on information, not persuasion.

A BIFF Proposal Should Include:

• The name and nature of the activity

• Schedule and location

• Time commitment

• Costs and proposed payment arrangement

• Why the activity may be appropriate given the child’s age, needs, and existing schedule

What to Avoid

• Do not frame the proposal as “the child wants this”

• Do not present the child as having already committed

• Do not repeatedly discuss the proposal with the child

Children are typically open to many activities. Over‑discussion can unintentionally create stress, pressure, or loyalty conflicts.

Children’s preferences are important, but they should be gathered neutrally by both parents, using open‑ended questions, without coaching or pre‑loading expectations.

Gatekeeping and Loyalty Conflicts

Parenting coordination is particularly cautious about gatekeeping — situations where extracurricular activities are used to:

• Exclude the other parent

• Interfere with parenting time

• Create loyalty conflicts

• Position one parent as supportive and the other as obstructive

Using activities in this way is generally inconsistent with the child’s best interests and with the purpose of shared parental responsibilities.

Unless a court order specifically authorizes exclusion, parenting coordination does not permit one parent to control or restrict the other parent’s involvement through activities.

Neutrality in Activities Matters

Parenting coordination generally discourages extracurricular arrangements that are not neutral, such as:

• Activities held exclusively at one parent’s home

• Instruction provided by a close friend of one parent

• Scheduling that predictably undermines the other parent’s parenting time

For example, lessons held at one parent’s home with a teacher who is personally connected to that parent — particularly where the other parent is excluded — are often inappropriate in shared‑responsibility cases.

Activities must be:

• Logistically reasonable

• Accessible to both parents

• Balanced with the child’s overall schedule

There is also a practical limit to how many extracurricular activities a child can reasonably manage. Overscheduling, or using activities to control parenting time, will not be supported in parenting coordination.

Supporting the Child’s Experience

Extracurricular activities belong to the child. When parents are able to support the child’s participation without conflict, children benefit from:

• Emotional safety

• Stability

• A sense that both parents support their interests

Children do best when parents behave respectfully toward each other, toward instructors, and toward organizers — even when disagreements exist elsewhere.

Shared Participation Guidelines

When both parents attend activities:

• Maintain respectful physical and emotional distance as needed

• Avoid arguments, negative remarks, or hostile behavior

• Never speak negatively about the other parent to anyone

During the other parent’s parenting time, that parent takes the lead unless otherwise agreed.

Brief private time for greetings and goodbyes should be accommodated where possible, as this supports the child’s sense of connection and security.

Awards or certificates go home with the parent who has parenting time. Requests for copies can be made calmly and in writing after the event.

In Summary

When parents share parental responsibilities:

• Consultation is an expected practice under section 40(2)

• Disclosure is required to implement parenting coordination

• Waiting lists do not decide issues

• Extracurricular activities cannot be used as gatekeeping tools

Parenting coordination exists to implement court orders and agreements as written, with a consistent focus on the child’s best interests.

When parents prioritize transparency, neutrality, and respectful communication, extracurricular activities can remain what they are meant to be — a positive part of a child’s life.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Read more about Why Extracurricular Activities are Essential for Child Development  and Secret Activities are Co-parenting Poison. For further reading visit our Resource Library.