Co-Parenting: It's Not Done Because You Like Your Ex

Co‑Parenting After Separation: What Parenting Coordination Can and Cannot Address

Recent Court Guidance on the Parenting Coordinator Role: Courts in British Columbia have recently provided clearer guidance on the scope and limits of the Parenting Coordinator role. That guidance emphasizes that Parenting Coordination is an implementation‑focused, post‑order process; that it is not therapeutic or evaluative; and that a PC’s authority arises solely from the wording of the appointing court order or written agreement. This article reflects that clarified role. It focuses on behaviour, structure, and compliance with existing parenting arrangements, and does not describe functions that fall outside the PC’s authorized mandate.

You do not have to like your former partner to co‑parent effectively. In high‑conflict separations, it is common for parents to feel anger, resentment, or distrust toward one another. Parenting Coordination does not require emotional reconciliation or personal approval of the other parent.

What it does require is behavioural cooperation in implementing a parenting order or agreement in a way that protects the child from ongoing conflict.

Co‑Parenting Is a Behavioural Obligation, Not an Emotional One

Parenting Coordination is grounded in a simple distinction:

• • Feelings are personal.
  • Parenting behaviour is governed by court orders and agreements.

A parent’s subjective feelings about the other parent—positive or negative—do not alter the legal obligation to support the child’s relationship with both parents, where the court has determined that contact is appropriate and safe.

Parenting Coordination focuses on what parents do, not what they feel.

Why Parenting Time and Reduced Conflict Matter

Decades of child‑development research show that children generally benefit from having stable, meaningful relationships with both parents, provided both are safe and competent. Children also do better when they are shielded from adult conflict and role confusion.

Research synthesized by Dr. Joan Kelly and others has consistently found that children’s adjustment after separation is more strongly associated with:

• • the quality of their relationships with both parents, and
  • the level of conflict they are exposed to
    than with which parent they live with most of the time.

For this reason, parenting arrangements that marginalize one parent through limited or inconsistent contact—without a safety‑based justification—often contribute to instability and resistance rather than reducing it.

High Conflict Is a Governance Problem, Not a Character Flaw

Ongoing parental conflict following separation is not usually the result of one “bad” parent. More commonly, it reflects:

• • unresolved dispute between adults,
    poor communication structures,
  • inconsistent rules and boundaries, and
  • a lack of effective mechanisms to resolve day‑to‑day parenting disagreements.
    

When conflict persists, children may be drawn into adult issues, experience divided loyalties, or resist transitions. These are signals that the parenting system is not functioning, not that a child or parent is defective.

The Role of Parenting Coordination

In British Columbia, Parenting Coordination is a post‑order, implementation‑focused process. It is not therapy and does not involve diagnosing, counselling, or treating parents or children.

Where authorized by court order or agreement, a Parenting Coordinator works to:

• • implement the existing parenting plan or court order;
  • reduce children’s exposure to conflict;
    establish clear rules for communication and decision‑making;
  • prevent unilateral changes to parenting arrangements;
  • address gatekeeping and non‑compliance through structure and accountability;
  • make limited, binding determinations when parents cannot agree, strictly within the scope of the existing order.

The PC’s authority lies in process governance, not emotional change or personal growth.

Past Conduct and Forward‑Looking Behaviour

Parenting Coordination does not re‑litigate the past. Where a court has already made findings and orders, the PC’s task is not to assign blame but to support compliance going forward.

Parents may carry regret, resentment, or unresolved feelings from the past. Those emotions are real, but Parenting Coordination focuses on whether current behaviour:

• • supports the child’s relationship with both parents as ordered,
  • keeps children out of adult conflict, and
  • complies with the parenting framework already in place.
    

Progress is measured by observable conduct, not by insight, remorse, or emotional alignment.

Gatekeeping and Neutral Application

Gatekeeping—restricting or undermining the other parent’s role or contact—is harmful regardless of which parent engages in it. Parenting Coordination applies equally across all family structures and does not assume one parent is more essential than the other based on gender or historical caregiving roles.

Modern family law in British Columbia applies a gender‑neutral best‑interests framework, informed by research showing that children benefit from stable relationships with both parents, where safe.

What Parenting Coordination Does Not Do

To avoid confusion, Parenting Coordination does not:

• • diagnose parental alienation or psychological conditions;
  • assess or determine child safety (those concerns belong with the court or child‑protection authorities);
  • provide therapy or reunification counselling;
    force emotional outcomes or relational repair;
    require parents to like, forgive, or reconcile with one another.

Its purpose is to ensure that adult behaviour complies with child‑focused legal obligations.

Conclusion

Parenting Coordination exists to help families move out of crisis‑driven conflict and into predictable, rule‑based parenting governance. It does so by focusing on structure, clarity, and accountability—not persuasion, moral judgment, or therapy.

When parents separate their personal feelings from their parenting obligations, children are more likely to experience stability, security, and freedom from adult conflict.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. For further reading, click How to Respond to Triangulation.  More articles are in our Resource Library.

© 2026 Cori McGuire. All Rights Reserved. Proprietary Workflow.