Choosing a School: A Guide for Separated Parents

Sep 21, 2025·By Cori McGuire

When parents live far apart, choosing the right school for their child can be a complex and emotional process. It requires careful consideration of what's best for the child's stability, education, and well-being. This guide breaks down the key factors to consider, from legal obligations to practical compromises, to help you navigate this important decision.

1. The Legal Starting Point: Agreement or Order

The first and most crucial step is to determine if a formal agreement or court order is already in place regarding the child's schooling. If so, you must follow it. If not, parents should strive to reach a mutual decision. In British Columbia, the Family Law Act provides a framework for making decisions in a child's best interests. Section 37 outlines factors a court considers when making parenting orders. These factors can also be helpful for parents when thinking through schooling decisions together.

2. Location and Community: Splitting the Difference or Staying Put?

A key question is whether the child should attend school in the catchment of one parent or somewhere in the middle. There are pros and cons to each approach:

Attending school in a parent's catchment area: This provides a sense of community, stability, and belonging as the child can build friendships and participate in local activities with friends. They'll have a consistent peer group and access to local amenities. This arrangement works well when one parent is the primary caregiver or when travel to school is already an issue.
Splitting the travel distance: Choosing a school in the middle might seem like a fair compromise, but it could mean the child spends significant time commuting and lacks a consistent sense of community at either parent's home. The child may feel like a visitor rather than a resident in both places. This may also limit their ability to form friendships and participate in after-school activities with peers.

It's important to consider which option provides the child with the most stable and supportive environment.

3. Special Needs and Educational Fit

The school's ability to meet your child's specific needs is paramount.

Does your child have special needs? If so, you need to research which schools have the best resources, programs, and staff to support them. You'll need to look beyond general reputation and focus on specific support services like Individualized Education Programs (IEPs), speech therapy, or occupational therapy.

Are there any special attributes that resonate with the child's needs? Consider schools with strong athletic programs, French immersion, or trades-focused education if those align with your child's interests and aptitudes.

School ratings? Resources like the Fraser Institute's school rankings can be a useful starting point, but they should not be the sole factor. These rankings often focus on academic performance and don't necessarily reflect a school's strengths in other areas like arts, sports, or special education.
It's worth visiting schools and speaking to the principals and teachers to get a true sense of the school's culture and its capacity to meet your child's needs.

4. Financial and Practical Considerations

Can you afford private school? Private school may offer a unique educational experience but often comes with a significant cost. Both parents must be in agreement and able to contribute financially.

If the child attends school in one parent's area, can they still participate in extracurriculars in the other parent's area? This requires a great deal of coordination and may not always be practical. However, if the parents are willing to cooperate, it can be a great way to ensure the child maintains a connection to both communities.

5. The Power of Compromise

When parents are at odds, seeking a compromise is often the best path forward, as it helps avoid a costly and stressful determination.

Here are some ways to find a middle ground:

Divide extracurriculars: Maybe the child attends school in one location and participates in a main sport or club in the other.
Focus on the big picture: Remember that a child's sense of stability, security, and love is more important than where they attend school.
Reducing the Commute Together: It's important to remember that a long daily commute is a burden on the child, not just the parent doing the driving. One parent's decision to move shouldn't automatically mean the child has to spend an extra hour in a car or in childcare. An excellent compromise is to share the driving. This could mean that the parent who lives farther away meets the other parent halfway, or that you work together to manage drop-offs and pickups. This reduces the child's time in a vehicle and ensures they have more relaxed, quality time with both parents.

By keeping the focus on your child's best interests and being willing to compromise, you can find a solution that works for everyone. While the situation is challenging, navigating it successfully can set a positive example for your child about cooperation and resilience.

6. A Real-Life Example: The Commuting Parent

Consider a common scenario. Two parents, Jane and Mark, lived in the same city and agreed that their children would attend daycare close to their respective workplaces. Later, Jane decided to move an hour away to another suburb. Following the move, Jane proposed that the children attend school near her new home, reasoning that the children now have “two equally important homes.”

A parenting coordinator assists the parents by helping them assess the practical implications of this proposal through a child‑focused lens. Rather than deciding the issue, the PC supports the parents in reality‑testing how each option would affect the children’s daily routine, stability, and well‑being.

In this scenario, both parents continue to work in the original city. If the children were to attend school in Jane’s new catchment area, Mark would be required on his parenting days to drive the children approximately two hours each way in order to get them to school and then get himself to and from work. This would result in the children spending significant time commuting each school day as a direct consequence of Jane’s relocation.

The parenting coordinator helps the parents consider how such a commute could affect the children, including earlier wake‑up times, extended hours in before‑ and after‑school care if even available, increased fatigue, and reduced time for rest, play, and social connection. These factors are relevant to a child’s need for stability and a manageable daily schedule.

In discussing these considerations, the PC may reference how courts generally approach similar situations: while a parent’s decision to move is valid and understandable, a child’s routine and day‑to‑day well‑being are often given significant weight when assessing schooling arrangements. A voluntary move by one parent does not automatically mean that the resulting logistical burdens should be shifted onto the children or the other parent.

Through this process, the parenting coordinator supports the parents in focusing on the children’s needs rather than parental convenience, and in exploring options that minimize unnecessary travel and disruption. The example illustrates a broader principle frequently applied in parenting coordination: decisions about schooling are best approached by prioritizing the child’s stability and daily experience, while helping parents understand the foreseeable impacts of different choices and work toward a practical, child‑centred solution.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer since 1998 in British Columbia. Read Swear Words or Caring for Sick Children and other articles about "the best interests of the child" in our Resource Library.